Assertiveness in Response to False Statements About You

by Michael Toebe
June 18, 2022

“Suddenly I was in danger of this fiction becoming fact if left unopposed by me, this outrageously revisionist history just might have morphed into bona fide history, and maybe it still will. Maybe it still will become part of that public domain.”

Sports talk show host Skip Bayless was talking in obvious pain about what appears to be a hurtful dispute with fellow sports talk personality and (Bayless says), friend, Stephen A. Smith.

It’s important, especially when you have a forum, to communicate in response to what you feel is a falsehood involving your name. Clearly, in the full video clip (not provided here), Bayless’ pride and ego were hurt yet if what was stated by Smith was not entirely accurate or accurate at all, then it’s understandable that Bayless or anyone in such a situation would not feel at peace about how they were being portrayed, publicly, and in this case, to a large audience.

Look at Bayless’ words: fiction, outrageously, revisionist history. Strong phrasing, no doubt. There are times in life where this type of shocking perception of events, or lies, can happen to you too, if it hasn’t already.

Oftentimes people will go the route of reacting, not intelligently responding, to it and do so in ways that are not helpful. They have unhelpful, ego-satisfying meltdowns, or they go dark, as in avoiding conflict and not working through the pain or they plan vengeance.

In conflict, it is rarely helpful to get competitive, and ‘conflict avoidance’ in situations where you don’t fear for your safety, doesn’t solve hurt. Acquiescing to the other party can be noble and at times, smart, yet usually it enables the other person/party and you still feel terrible.

Being assertive, not aggressive, is smarter. If you can collaborate on a solution with the other person, outstanding. If not, assertiveness, in a poised, skilled manner is going to prove more beneficial. You might be able to successfully accomplish this yourself. Yet you might achieve more and with less pain and in less time with the assistance of a professional who knows the “territory” and how to help you navigate it safely and well.

In the case of Bayless, he could have reached out behind the scenes to Smith (and maybe he tried or did) to try and correct the narrative and then communicate publicly. It’s possible Smith would have felt regret, remorse and compassion and then spoke on his own show about the dispute. Then Bayless, feeling respected and at ease, could have followed suit.

Or if Bayless was too upset, he could have reached out to a mutual friend or hired a professional as an intermediary to help the disputants communicate and problem solve.

Successfully Responding After Being Vilified

By Michael Toebe
July 12, 2021

It didn’t seem to matter that a Houston doctor had the support of the Texas Medical Association and the Harris County Medical Society. His name, reputation and psychological and financial well-being were being attacked.

Gokol had been fired from his government job, charged with stealing the Covid vaccine. This action led to the doctor becoming a target of the Harris County district attorney. That office issued a press release:

“Fired Harris County Health Doctor Charged with Stealing Vial of Covid-19 Vaccine.”

In a pandemic, that’s quite the scandalous charge and ugliness against one’s ethics and character. Clearly this was upsetting and offensive to a scared public, as Gokol’s attorney stated.

“Everybody was looking at this guy and saying, ‘I got my mother waiting for a vaccine, my grandfather waiting for a vaccine,’” the lawyer, Paul Doyle, said in the New York Times story by Dan Barry. ‘They were thinking, ‘This guy is a villain.’”

Despite a criminal court judge dismissing the case for a lack of probable cause, the D.A., Kim Ogg decided it was worthy to pursue a case against Gokol, presenting her work to a grand jury. However, that legal aggression, while maybe good for public relations on some level for the D.A. office, fizzled out. Gokol will not be indicted.

The directive he and his department had received was clear. It detailed who was given 1(a) and 1(b) priority for vaccine does and then, after that, directed to “Just put it in people’s arms. We don’t want any doses to go to waste. Period,” Barry wrote in his article.

Waste was irresponsible and immoral. Gokol agreed and wanted to avoid it. It’s also important to know that “The 10 or 11 doses in a vial are viable for (only) six hours after the seal is punctured,” Gokol told the Times.

So what did he do? Barry details it in his first article about the story.

“Scrambling, the doctor made house calls and directed people to his home outside Houston. Some were acquaintances; others, strangers. A bed-bound nonagenarian. A woman in her 80s with dementia. A mother with a child who uses a ventilator,” he wrote. “After midnight, and with just minutes before the vaccine became unusable, the doctor, Hasan Gokal, gave the last dose to his wife, who has a pulmonary disease that leaves her short of breath.”

What was wrong to the district attorney was her office’s perception and the appearances to the public.

Prosecutors created the image of the doctor as “a cold opportunist,” Barry wrote.

“He abused his position to place his friends and family in line in front of people who had gone through the lawful process to be there,” Ogg said, reported Barry.

Understandably this was deeply traumatic to Gokol. “It was my world coming down,” he told Barry. “To have everything collapse on you. God, it was the lowest moment in my life.”

He lost trust, credibility, support and employment and hospitals decided to treat him as a public relations liability until his name was cleared. Yet with the news he won’t be indicted, the doctor feels some relief.

“For the first time in six months I’m going to be able to go to bed tonight and not wake up in the middle thinking about this,” he told Barry in a follow-up article in the New York Times.

Yet even in legal defeat, the district attorney’s office could not resist one more ego-driven, self-righteous, arrogant dig. “We respect the decision of the grand jury in this and every case. Evidence, not public opinion, is the guiding principle of our work.” Ogg and her team didn’t take the legal setback well.

So how does Gokol overcome the emotional, psychological and reputation injury and trauma he’s endured, that to some degree, his wife and family also have endured?

Allegations not tied to truth hurt, deeply. Attacking someone’s professional, ethics, morals and character often leave people in stunned disbelief. People’s assumptions about you and hateful judgment are painful and excruciating. Threats of punishment and actual punishment incite fear and overwhelm. Being forced to prove that people allegations are not rooted in truth can prove to be futile despite the efforts. The emotions can lead to helplessness, anger, resentment and the darkest of non-stop depression. It’s abuse, too often legally protected.

Yet someone in such a pit doesn’t have to feel they are all alone.

There are legal professionals to have conversations with to learn if and how they can best help. There are reputation professionals who can offer the same. It’s important now for Gokol to know, and others suffering as he has and is, that there is a path forward that will greatly help overcome what he’s been through.

As he hopes to re-establish his name and reputation in medicine and his community, it would be wise, imperative and beneficial to widely tell his story to media, with equal parts humility, compassion and courage, while also continuing with his professional work. There will be offers for him to do so and if they seem to be lacking, an attorney, PR professional and reputation professional will help him to accomplish that critical task and objective.

Doing this at a high level will allow Gokol to be resilient and help him traverse through the hellfire to recovery, added respect, reputation restoration, fresh opportunities and peace.

Michael Toebe is the founder and specialist at Reputation Quality, a consultancy, advisory, coaching and communications practice, helping individuals and organizations, aiding them in better analyzing opportunities, challenges and risks, to further build, protect, restore and reconstruct reputation quality.

Andrew Cuomo Doesn’t Recognize the Self Harm He’s Inflicting on his Reputation and Future

By Michael Toebe
July 7, 2021

It’s not all bad for Andrew Cuomo. Nearly a third of polled voters believe the governor of New York should seek a fourth term.

The bad news is that 60 percent of voters would rather he resign immediately or at least choose not to run for re-election.

The combination of allegations of unprofessional behavior, sexual assault and failings over his leadership regarding COVID has severely eroded the strength of his name, reputation and social capital in the media and public eye.

What Cuomo continues to do is what many people do, blindly and recklessly, which is conduct self harm.

With the governor, he struggles with morality towards other people, ethics and commits expensive errors for his career and personal life: All impediments to his aspirations.

On top of that, he has not expended much effort to do what he can to ‘make right,’ the best he can. Thus, he continues to invite scrutiny and escalating negative judgment and distrust. What Cuomo could do instead is stop…digging…the hole he’s in and also choose intellectual honesty. No self awareness and no receptiveness and trust in helpful feedback is full failure of risk management for oneself.

Cuomo has to want to learn, has to want to improve and grow as a person and professional. If he doesn’t, the consequences will snowball.

If he can bring himself to want to invest himself in personal development he can mitigate a lot of potential damage and move more wisely and effectively through his travails.

Consequences and Pain Just Beginning for Rachel Nichols Unless She Knows How to Respond

By Michael Toebe
July 7, 2021

Rachel Nichols ambition, hard work and skills have taken her far but the ESPN broadcaster is going to have a hard road to reputation improvement after being caught speaking poorly about her employer and more so, a colleague, Maria Taylor. The story, with Nichols’ perceived entitlement and racial judgment towards Taylor, has exploded on the media landscape and social media.

There is going to be no easy conflict repair and reputation recovery, for not only Nichols, but also for ESPN leadership.

Nichols is going to have to humble herself, come forward in vulnerability and do some serious, highly-skilled crisis communication, with emotional intelligence, not only with Taylor but also her employer and the court of public opinion. This will not be an easy road to travel.

Nichols has to own her errors of communication and arrogance, first to herself and then outwards in communicating with others, and take great efforts to seek understanding as to why what she said was so egregious.

Forget blame shifting, on any point, even about the leaked tape that exposed her more. That’s not going to help Nichols at all. Don’t create an alternative narrative either, about the leadership at ESPN or the demographic that makes up that leadership. Just don’t do it if you want to overcome the scandal, and personal and career crisis.

Nichols can certainly rise from the muck she’s currently in but it’s going to take some clarity of the problem and what is required to navigate the wilderness ahead. It will also require strength of courage, quality of self-awareness and sustained character in learning from her errors.