Being Unaware of the Heat Anger Emits

Image by Toby Elliott

Sometimes people may realize to some degree the intensity of anger or rage that they are expressing yet not always and it’s in those times that they might even communicate, “I’m not angry.” What they genuinely don’t understand in the moment is that don’t see themselves or know how much energy their anger has created and the uncomfortable heat they are sending into the area surrounding them.

This wave hits both intended targets and ‘innocent’ bystanders.

A quick story to illustrate: as a child, my parents were driving my brother and me on a highway out of town. On one side of the road, which happened to be on the side of the car on which I was sitting, there was a large fire roaring. The only reason I remember this decades later is because I also recall the experience of the intense nature of the heat from the fire. It was incredibly uncomfortable, like being cooked alive, even though the fire was in my estimation far off the road as we drove past it. I was admittedly relieved when the car finally traveled out of the affected “hot zone.” As a side note, my window was down (summertime) when the car first drove into this temporary misery.

You know something? Anger can be this way too. Whether it’s us combusting in anger or someone else, people are going to feel the energy and uncomfortable or overwhelming heat. The origin of it, either ourselves or someone else, might feel full of negativity yet rare is it that the person knows exactly how they are being experienced in the moment. They just don’t. They might guess but they don’t really know for certain.

This usually comes in a state of overt anger yet can also happen when someone is conducting themselves in a an extremely passive-aggressive form of anger.

This is of course, extremely damaging or worse, destructive to trust, reputation, security and relationship quality (personal and professional) and is a call to self-examine our reactions and calculated responses to the anger we feel and express outwardly. It’s also vital that we realize that people around us for whom we are responsible can increase risk for other people and us with how they react to their anger.

There are two excellent, reader-friendly and fast-to-read books on anger that you might enjoy that I can recommend. I don’t make any financial compensation for mentioning them. They are both written by the same author: Ronald T. Potter-Efron.

I read them years ago and have kept them on hand as a reference for future writing and professional service to others. The first is, “Angry All The Time (second edition), An Emergency Guide to Anger Control” and the second book is “Rage, A Step-by-Step Guide to Overcoming Explosive Anger.”